What do you think matters most in committed relationships? Perhaps a deep sense of love and security that you found your soul mate or the one you believe is “the one”… or… perhaps it’s simply the fun times and companionship that brings light and spontaneity into your life.
The two main types of longterm committed relationships, could be boiled-down into relationships that restrict, suppress and depress, and the opposite type of relationship that encourages, excites your passions and enthusiasm. But, sadly, the actual longevity of the relationship maybe more about compromise, personality and feelings of obligation.
One powerful way to re-connect to someone that you are in a close relationship with, is to make some time for some “back-to-back” time (which doesn’t have to be back-to-back, but once or twice a week, would probably be a good start.)
What do I mean by “back-to-back”? Well, I mean literally your back against theirs. Never intentionally tried this or maybe this sounds like what you do in bed after an argument. Ok, this is different… this is where your back is pressed-up against their back. So, you say, “Why would that help?!”
It doesn’t take much to help your partner feel more valued every day. Sometimes a lot of little ongoing things — which don’t take much time or effort on their own — can mean a lot more than the rare grandiose gesture on some holiday that. No surprise there, I mean who would actually choose to wait for the most significant person in their life to show they care and value your relationship. That’s daily medicine and can fit into every routine. So, put it on your calendar and within minutes you are on your way to building a stronger connection and a more meaningful relationship that will surely mean more than you think right now.
“Choose your love; love your choice.” — Thomas Monson
Marriage is about choice (in most circumstances anyway); you are choosing a spouse to share your life with on a long-term basis. Marriage should be a choice about marriage and not just the next choice, because it seems like the next step in a relationship. First you need to decide what marriage means to you and get clear about what you are choosing, when making a choice to marry someone.
Find love, explore love, appreciate love, nurture love, honor love, rethink love and sustain love.
To sustain love in a relationship, be sure the love you want to sustain is what you want sustained… a loving relationship of wholesome love, fearless love, unrestricted love and unrestrained love. In reality, your relationship may not be everything you want it to be all the time and that’s perfectly fine.
The most important part of sustaining love, is sustaining yourself first… and reaching a balanced state of dignity, self-respect, self-worth, self-gratitude and love for yourself that honors the wonderful you, both inside and out. When you feel like you don’t measure-up, change the metric and scale. There is no superior measurement system and it’s all about perspective can be gained from any angle.
Many people will tell you that you should always be reading at least a few books; one on business/work/finance, one on life/family/relationships and one on spirituality/religion/inspiration. A practice that could theoretically help you grow in all aspects of your life and become a better person.
Now what if the people you have relationships with had the same desire to aspire to become a better person, reading these books alongside you and perhaps even going to retreats, workshops, conventions or other related events.
What if your life partner was in pursuit of the same relationship nirvana, emotional intelligence and relationship health as you are? But, not in a “because I have to” sort of way, but from a deep intrinsic desire and wantingness. If you are just doing something because you read it, it can come off as lackluster, inauthentic, contrived and fleeting. The other person may even subconsciously pick up on the inauthenticity and reject your efforts.
Love from love for love.
“Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender, it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment” — Stephen Covey
Because the relationships in your life include you, they are a partial reflection of yourself, so in order to improve your relationships, you must improve yourself.
Become the person who can have the type of amazing relationship that you desire in your life and set an intention inside of yourself for attracting the other part of that relationship.
The elements of the relationship instruction manual are:
- Your Love — The humblest and most powerful force in the universe that makes the impossible possible.
- Your Attention — Possibly the most valuable currency you will ever get the privilege of spending.
- Your Intuition — A sacred gift that can trust to guide you and bring you to what you truly seek in life.
- Your Integrity — What keeps you true to yourself, because if you lose yourself, then you aren’t really you.
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