- not too girly
- sense of duty
- soft tenderness
- calm personality
- not easy nor hasty
- unquestionable trust
- has own favorite things
- serves a higher purpose
- not needlessly transparent
- not desperate for someone
- does things slowly with care
- warm without being flirtatious
- secure enough to not be clingy
- could look into your eyes forever
- has a great purpose to fulfill in life
- not overly obsessed with anything
- spontaneous without being careless
- down-to-earth and genuinely original
- values a small meaningful social circle
- not overly concerned with other people
- ideally has similar build and activity level
- likes to have fun and equally likes to work
- has enough attitude to excite and laugh with
- has common sense and practices moderation
- makes efforts to look nice without over doing it
- she makes an effort to learn about your interests
- does not always feel like she has to wear makeup
- someone who you could keep loving unequivocally
- listens to you
- grows with you
- layered strength
- deeply hears you
- incredibly thoughtful
- never breaks your trust
- sensitive to all your needs
- remains solid in his choices
- confidence in knowing himself
- unwavering in purpose and goals
- attuned to your feelings and desires
- he does not wait around or play games
- he cherishes you and cannot get enough
- he is always clear about what it is he wants
- he deliberately chose you and only you forever
- he is the man he wants to be before he meets you
- when he does something you know he will do it well
- has deep-rooted humility while being relatably imperfect
- has strong principles without being overly proud of himself
- he is in no rush whatsoever and takes him time with everything
- a man that does not need to control but is willing to take charge
- he puts you first everyday and shows you are worth his attention
- has strong beliefs without being judgemental towards other beliefs
- simple at his core who values what he has and doesn’t need excess
- most importantly he is genuine and never apologies for being himself
- someone who you could keep loving unequivocally and without reserve
What do you think matters most in a committed relationship? Perhaps you believe that, in order to be a part of a committed relationship, a deep sense of love and security must be found, or that the person you are with must be the one you believe is your soulmate, or, perhaps, you are looking for fun times and companionship with someone who brings light and spontaneity into your life. Maybe you are looking for all three.
Just as there are all types of things that people look for in a committed relationship, there are all types of committed relationships. But, the types of long term committed relationships I will be focusing on can be boiled-down into two categories: relationships that encourage, excite your passions and inspire enthusiasm; and the opposite type of relationships that restrict, suppress and depress. And, when it comes to the actual longevity of the relationship, a relationship maybe more about compromising oneself and feelings of obligation, than love.
Let’s go over some of the aspects which should be present in a healthy and nurturing committed relationship.
One powerful way to re-connect to someone that you are in a close relationship with, is to make some time for some “back-to-back” time (which doesn’t have to be back-to-back, but once or twice a week, would probably be a good start.)
What do I mean by “back-to-back”? Well, I mean literally your back against theirs. Never intentionally tried this or maybe this sounds like what you do in bed after an argument. Ok, this is different… this is where your back is pressed-up against their back. So, you say, “Why would that help?!”
It doesn’t take much to help your partner feel more valued every day. Sometimes a lot of little ongoing things — which don’t take much time or effort on their own — can mean a lot more than the rare grandiose gesture on some holiday that. No surprise there, I mean who would actually choose to wait for the most significant person in their life to show they care and value your relationship. That’s daily medicine and can fit into every routine. So, put it on your calendar and within minutes you are on your way to building a stronger connection and a more meaningful relationship that will surely mean more than you think right now.
“Choose your love; love your choice.” — Thomas Monson
Marriage is about choice (in most circumstances anyway); you are choosing a spouse to share your life with on a long-term basis. Marriage should be a choice about marriage and not just the next choice, because it seems like the next step in a relationship. First you need to decide what marriage means to you and get clear about what you are choosing, when making a choice to marry someone.
“Keeping a personal journal a daily in-depth analysis and evaluation of your experiences is a high-leverage activity that increases self-awareness and enhances all the endowments and the synergy among them.” — Stephen R.Covey
- It’s completely doable in just a few minutes a day, even the most busiest and stressed person can spend at least a few minutes a day on something that could greatly improve their most important relationship in their life.
- It allows you to clear your emotions that have been building up all day and putting them out there into words, can also bring a lot of clarity to what emotions you were experiencing and what may be behind those emotions.
- It can work like a free personal therapist, in that you can unload and get feedback from your significant other, when you are ready to receive input and discuss what happened or what went on internally for you.
- It can help give you a sense of direction, since you will be able to track and review your personal love history, which can help you learn about yourself quite a lot.
- It gives you a medium to freely express yourself, which the pressure of being in someone’s face about possibly very sensitive issues. Sometimes you want to say something, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are ready to discuss it. This also gives the option for you to pass along a page from your love journal to your partner with the understanding that you aren’t quite ready to have a discussion, but wanted them to know.
- It can increase gratitude, both for yourself and for the other people whom you allow to read it… Being human isn’t easy and when people can read about your feelings and thoughts at their own pace to fully digest. It also allows them time for self-reflection, which can light-up compassion, gratitude and empathy in their hearts.
- It can improve your writing, as in, building the skills that come along with taking your thoughts and turning them into words. As well as, developing your thoughts, so that they can be effectively communicated through words… wether read or spoken.
- It can power-up your creativity, just like anything you create and pour your heart into, it can open-up facets of your being that open new possibilities to ways you can get creative and contribute to the world for the betterment of humankind.
- It can allow you to gain more self-awareness than every before, especially if you take a little extra time to go back and review your previous love journal entries. Being aware of something is the first step before you can improve upon that something.
- It improves your productivity, yeah, that’s right… you are producing something and that can have quite the synergistic effect on your life. You may just find that you get more productive in other parts of your life as well. It always help to have small daily accomplishments to keep your life moving and the energy flowing.
Before a person begins to focus on how to sustain love in a relationship, they should be sure that the love is one worth sustaining: a wholesome love, a fearless love, a supportive healthy love, an unrestricted and unrestrained love. Your relationship may not be everything you want it to be all the time, and that’s perfectly fine, but ask yourself if the love is worth sustaining. If it is, then be prepared to put in the effort.
Many people will tell you that you should always be reading at least a few books; one on business/work/finance, one on life/family/relationships and one on spirituality/religion/inspiration. A practice that could theoretically help you grow in all aspects of your life and become a better person.
Now what if the people you have relationships with had the same desire to aspire to become a better person, reading these books alongside you and perhaps even going to retreats, workshops, conventions or other related events.
What if your life partner was in pursuit of the same relationship nirvana, emotional intelligence and relationship health as you are? But, not in a “because I have to” sort of way, but from a deep intrinsic desire and wantingness. If you are just doing something because you read it, it can come off as lackluster, inauthentic, contrived and fleeting. The other person may even subconsciously pick up on the inauthenticity and reject your efforts.
Love from love for love.
“Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender, it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment” — Stephen Covey
Because the relationships in your life include you, they are a partial reflection of yourself, so in order to improve your relationships, you must improve yourself.
Become the person who can have the type of amazing relationship that you desire in your life and set an intention inside of yourself for attracting the other part of that relationship.
The elements of the relationship instruction manual are:
- Your Love — The humblest and most powerful force in the universe that makes the impossible possible.
- Your Attention — Possibly the most valuable currency you will ever get the privilege of spending.
- Your Intuition — A sacred gift that can trust to guide you and bring you to what you truly seek in life.
- Your Integrity — What keeps you true to yourself, because if you lose yourself, then you aren’t really you.