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Love, Relationships

Sustaining Love

Sustaining Love

Find love, explore love, appreciate love, nurture love, honor love, rethink love and sustain love.

To sustain love in a relationship, be sure the love you want to sustain is what you want sustained… a loving relationship of wholesome love, fearless love, unrestricted love and unrestrained love.  In reality, your relationship may not be everything you want it to be all the time and that’s perfectly fine.

The most important part of sustaining love, is sustaining yourself first… and reaching a balanced state of dignity, self-respect, self-worth, self-gratitude and love for yourself that honors the wonderful you, both inside and out.  When you feel like you don’t measure-up, change the metric and scale.  There is no superior measurement system and it’s all about perspective can be gained from any angle.

Sometimes you are your partner won’t be on the same page… or sometimes you may feel rigid, irritate or simply may feel like you don’t appreciate their presence in the least.  If this is the case, then pat yourself on the back for even recognizing that and now you can take the next step to reach out to people that can work as a support system.  Try to figure out a way for you to come back to the relationship that you want to work to improve and figure out a way so that you get back to a place of being thankful for the presence of your partner… after all, you probably searched for love for a while to find them.

If you feel like you unintentionally go into fight mode every time you are around your partner, that is a good sign that you may want to figure out how to gain some distance… but not be distant in the relationship.  A quintessential long-term relationship, usually has a healthy dose of ways to give yourself space at times… but, this doesn’t mean creating distance in your relationship, there’s an important distinction to giving yourself space and putting space between you and your partner.

Any form of love and connection comes together with the presence of generosity of spirit and valid attention.  If nothing is given in the connection, then nothing is interconnected.

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” — Mother Teresa

Sustaining love is also tied to your intentions, goals, motives and passions.  What are you excited about and how does the other person fit into the picture or support you in the direction you are going.

You have to come to a place inside where you are letting yourself venture towards where you know you need to go and release what is holding you back from reaching that place of contentment, happiness and love.

Communication is the currency of love and to avoid being that “insensitive idiot”, treat your communications like spending money, be deliberate and thoughtful.  But, the goods news is, there is a limited return policy, so don’t get too worried about getting it perfect, focus on being vulnerable and empathetic.  If your feeling got hurt, say that.  If you feel like you have needs that aren’t getting met, ponder on how to discuss growing your relationship in that direction, with hopefully no need left behind for both people.

Most people have an awfully difficult time trying to express themselves, especially feelings and needs.  Sadly, many times after some amount of failed attempts, they relinquish some of the decisions of the relationship to the other person.  Expressing yourself is hard stuff, sometimes you will need to take baby steps…

  • try making one first step next time… reflect on what happened.
  • think of that one extra thing to say and practice a few times… then give it a try.
  • if you don’t feel you can directly express what you want or feel… try a suggestive comment.
  • if you feel like you can’t start with your feelings… try asking about how they feel about it first.

Any relationship that doesn’t allow you to be you, isn’t going to be truly fulfilling, fully expressing yourself is a need and a relationship requirement.

Occasionally relationships need to be re-started…. You may still truly deeply love one another… but, things can accumulate and things can get neglected after the best intentions and efforts.  Before resentment builds to vindictiveness, make the time to really listen and talk truthfully… and restart love.  Think about what you feel and what you need. Listen to what your partner is feeling and needing.  Take what is automatic, habitual and taken for granted… appreciate or lose it?  Notice what is obvious, unavoidable and leads to bitterness… love it or deal with it?  Acknowledge what is difficult and stressful… calm growth or pressurized explosive?  Deciding on difficult failing behaviors and knowing what to do when it is quite alarming… assertive forgiveness or panicked defensiveness?  Putting it all out there and allowing yourself to be vulnerable… risk gaining empathy or build modular walls?  Taking time to feel what the other person is feeling through their reality of how they feel… shift your perspective or puzzling complex behaviors?  Admitting to our most strange showings being less than perfect and near unlovable aspects… refreshing honesty or remote denial?  Berate, criticize and annoy your partner to change given the chance… fluid humor and love or ridged attacks and defense?  Finding places where you and your partner would love each other to realize that it hurt… articulate an apology or pretend wounds don’t matter?  Practice clearing, refreshing, restarting and releasing to a resolve… regular consistence or reignited repetition?  Changing together through indifferent supportive agreement towards forward… respect wanting change or humiliating loneliness alone?  What would be missed can often be what is most loved… cherish and love or distance and regret.  Start restarting starting now, with any start that starts now.

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